How to be Courageous - #26

Always Open: How to be Courageous - #26

Join Barbara Dunkelman, Jon Risinger, Lindsay Jones, and Maggie Tominey as they discuss the courage to do something scary, losing something extremely important, and how to ask your crush out on this week’s Always Open. This episode is sponsored by Lyft (http://lft.to/2k09gCG) and MeUndies (http://bit.ly/2oqytsJ)

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Comments (72)

  • Lazygamer14 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    Wait a minute, Maggie went to SciTech?!

  • Jamari FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Jam jar

    6 months ago

    I am an 18 year old male and I was on my phone for the entirety of sexpertise but my ears perked up at favorite book. I really gotta get my shit together.

    • Sss1025 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      5 months ago

      Nah, you're golden ponyboy.

  • Tomatoblast FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    Is John a puppet? Like right at the last 5 minutes, he seems like a puppet.

    • Suitedmetalhead FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      5 days ago

      The real question is where is pongo

  • Seanical

    6 months ago

    So I can completely relate to Maggie's stuffed animal story. When I was 10, my little brother, 5 at the time, had a little stuffed lamb that was also a blanket. He friggin loved this thing, and took it everywhere, his little "Lamby", as he called it. He also took it when we went to vacation in Florida, where we stayed in a hotel for a while. When the vacation ended, we went back to the airport to go back home. When we arrived, my brother realizes he doesn't have Lamby anymore. We left it at the hotel room. So while everyone else stays at the airport, dear old dad rushes back to the hotel, gets Lamby from the front desk, then hightails it back just in time to get on the plane. He literally passes through all of security with no suitcase, no luggage, nothing but the lamb, so only the parents know what the hell's going on. It was scary hearing how similar Maggie's story was to my brother's.

  • Stunning FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold An Ancient Demon, Awoken

    6 months ago

    My father had me donate all of my action figures. At the time I was alright, but at this point I wish I would have just donated money or something (not that I had any at the time). 

  • kat-daniels FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    I recently went to an 18th that was Harry Potter themed :') 

  • RoosterToother

    6 months ago

    Maggie's "happy Passover" at the end killed me


  • SarahWithStars FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold No Family Bias- Honest

    6 months ago

    Omg lamby/lammy that hurt xx

  • Delivery_McGee FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    Lol Barbara's lipstick clashes with the radio behind her, and exactly matches Lindsay's shirt.

  • idiocity FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    You could say Maggie and Lindsay have a Glen Doll... 


    I did it for you Barb.

  • BABBS FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    On the last question: I think a reasonable synthesis of Maggie's opinion with the others' opinions is that he should also consider his own ability to view her as a friend only after he has already developed romantic feelings for her.  I agree with Maggie about the wisdom of having a solid friendship-type base for a relationship, but I worry that the act of hiding/obscuring his romantic feelings for her might make it very difficult to form a platonic friendship, as the longer he tries to suppress those feelings, the stronger they may become.


    I also suspect that she would catch on sooner rather than later, and come to view his attempts at friendship as a cynical tactic to get in her pants (even if untrue, it's not an unreasonable reaction given how many guys act), thereby killing any chance of a friendship or a romantic relationship.  I personally always try to be upfront about my intentions as a general policy, and by doing that I've learned firsthand that it often takes time for me to move someone I find attractive from the 'potential partner' category to the 'potential friend' category in my head.  So, when I've been turned down, I typically say something like:


    "Thank you for your honesty and for letting me down easy.  Obviously I think you're pretty cool, which is why I became interested in you, so I'd like to remain friends.  However, it may take me some to adjust to seeing you in a slightly different light, so please don't be offended if I seem a bit cold or distant towards you for a while--I'm not trying to be rude to or punish you in any way, I'm only trying to maintain a little distance to sort out my own feelings."



    P.S.  Dear Jon,

    I'm afraid I can't grant you permission to develop your slut persona, because only you can give yourself permission to express yourself however you so choose.  Also, I submit that your alter should be Jean, who speaks in a French accent, smokes, works out, and bangs all day.  No eating, sleeping, or other activities, Jean only smokes and bangs.

  • syteless FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    Not sure if anyone talked about the drag topic.


    I feel like the drag-king vs drag-queen thing might be part of that double standard that may or may not exist between men and women. It could be that I don't understand the standard of men's clothing as much as I would like, but what specifically is "Men's" clothing? I wear long or short sleeve shirts with some type of pants or shorts, maybe a hat, a jacket. There doesn't seem to be a lot of variety in options. 


    I imagine it's definitely socially acceptable for women to wear men's clothing, even if they're men's cut. On the other hand, it's likely not socially acceptable for men to wear wear women's clothing, and they are labeled either gay or drag-queens for wearing clothing designed for women, of which I feel there is a far larger variety.


    Or I'm completely wrong about this.

    • sakurastar FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      6 months ago

      I don't want to speak on anyone's behalf because I've never tried drag myself but I don't think it's just about the clothing. Obviously the look is part of it, creating a more masculine physique with padding and clothing, facial hair etc. but it's also about embodying a character and putting on a performance. From what I've seen and heard (through friends etc.), being a drag king is a lot like being a drag queen, it's a way for some women to express themselves, create a character and get some freedom away from what is traditionally 'feminine' and show their masculine side. 

  • jYjrNiceGuy FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    also pro bar tip(great if you are a smoker too)...if you are ever at the bar and about to go talk up a fine piece of cheese go to the bar and ask for a shot of rupplemintz and just swish it around in your mouth then spit it out.....more or less like Listerine.

  • FPChris FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    And I am sorry Maggie, Ms. "I'm hoping if you're interested in dating someone you're interested in having a friendship with them" That's just not how it is; some people either want to be dating someone, or strangers with them.

  • FPChris FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    Don't listen to Jon, you can ask anyone and everybody out. Do it!

  • salspals FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    Did Lindsey make a Stargate reference when talking about the baby onesie? #fave

  • SteveRGR FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    Is that a 1940's Ontario Canada license plate in the background? I don't know why I caught that.

  • Phatnaru FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    WTF! I had a lamb named LAMBY when I was little too!

  • Gumi.Rokkaku FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    Nobody likes getting hit on at work. It's not like they can go anywhere, they're at work. So the other person feels like they're trapped there. It's just all bad vibes.

  • BrianArndt FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    this discussion about Harry Potter makes me feel really old..

  • DavidtheWavid FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    The transition to the first ad read could've included a "drag race" pun. I'm disappointed in you, Barbara.


    Thankfully I never lost anything too important, besides my Lego Professor Quirrell. My favorite stuffed animal was based on the Velveteen Rabbit, and his name was, you guessed it, Velveteen. Then there was the bunny my dad and sister made from scratch who was white and fluffy, named Cloud. And the black cat named Blacksie. Still better than my sister's white horse named Come. My dad had a bad time talking her out of that name.


    And is Jon JUST NOW finding out that people burst into the On the Spot theme song on every show and even DVD commentaries? Did he really not know?

  • futurecatlady

    6 months ago

    the malibu barbie: 

    1 part vodka

    1 part malibu

    2 parts orange juice

    2 parts cranberry juice

  • srvvlhm FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold David Kane

    6 months ago

    To ask a girl out, you have to use Josh Sunquist's line. "We should hang out sometime." 

  • TylerBarbin FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    They should get Geoff or Gavin on an episode.

    • DavidtheWavid FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      6 months ago

      That would either go really well or really badly.

  • dignition FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    • curtis915 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      6 months ago

      Are you kidding? Barbara has her legs spread out more than Jon does. Manspreading isn't a thing. 

    • GH0ST_ FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      6 months ago

      anyone who uses the term "manspreading" unironically deserves a -1 Lame

    • dignition FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      5 months ago

      That was definitely a joke. So it wasn't unironically. But thanks for being an asshole! I'll just go ahead and delete this comment before sinking deeper into depression.

  • Noblelance FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold The Pun-isher

    6 months ago

    as a Lance I approve that ending.

  • AbstractSpaces FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    When I saw "loss" in the description I thought they might talk about losing a loved one. My family experienced a tragedy and although I'm pretty on top of my grief I'd be interested to hear the cast's thoughts on it. Maybe get Michael to talk about losing his dad if he's willing.

  • Croctopus FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    You hear the "nobody cares about what you're doing so stop caring what other people think" line a lot. But as someone who's had do deal with a lot of bullying...it's fucking hard to internalize that. I get that it's true and all, but I don't believe it, really. Maybe it's just me (yeah it probably is). But fuck, I can't envision me ever not being self conscious about everything.

    • AbstractSpaces FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      6 months ago

      This may not be the most healthy way to deal with it, but instead of trying to be indifferent I tend to take a defiant stance. Like "fuck you if you don't like it, I'm allowed to do what makes me happy". Kind of trade looking down on yourself for looking down on them lol.

  • DaBrainFarts FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold DaBrainFarts

    6 months ago

    Love everyone on this. Thank you Barb. 

  • JasmineHope

    6 months ago

    It would be awesome if you could get Aleks from Cow Chop on the show!

  • jayeto FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    for the sex therapy part i agree with jon to an extent as if you can see this girl is very attractive and being hound by most/some of the other guys that work out at the gym then yeah your shots of scoring a date is slim to nil. BUT i do still think the guy has a chance IF, and thats a big if, he shows hes DIFFERENT from the other guys chasing her. 


    in a way watch what the others guys do that turns her off. body lingo speaks very loud so if they are just giving her compliments (rude or otherwise), giving her the "smolder" (you guys know THAT look you try), etc and you see those dont work then think OUTSIDE the box to get her to notice you in a different light. this goes back to miles last episode in dont ask her out on a date straight off but instead ask her if she would like to chat some where preferable open of coffee and such.  


    but like everyone yes EXPECT the no and TREAT THAT NO WITH RESPECT BACK. as you never know you things could turn and she could see "hey maybe that guy wasnt so bad and we could try going for a chat." always keep that in mind.

  • Ysosereos FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    i fucking love Maggie and will watch anything shes in lol

  • jimmyninetoes FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    I really watching John out of the On The Spot setting. It's nice seeing him not having to be the presenter and having a chance to relax

  • threeviltiki FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    Buttafinger (shot)

    Fill mixing glass with ice

    1/2 oz Vanilla vodka

    1/2 oz Irish Cream

    1/2 oz Coffee Liqueur

    1/2 oz Butterscotch Schnapps

    Dash of Milk or Cream

    Shake

    Strain into shot glass

  • Akaviriblade FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    LINDSAY IS GLOWING

  • Ezza94 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    Here is what I lost...a couple years ago I was given a necklace that belonged to my late nan. I wore it every single day. When I went to America last September I took it with me. 

    It wasn't until I got back home (to Australia) that I realised it was gone. I called the hotel and it was never found. I was crushed. 


    Fast forward to about 2months ago where my aunty found out what happened through my mum, so she gave me my nans favourite necklace. I'm now very cautious with where I wear it. But I'm glad I've got a 'replacement' to wear :) 

  • hurricanekat FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    my name is Katrina...

  • Icky427 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Icky

    6 months ago

    to me a romantic relationship and a friendship are two different things (of course some people are lucky and find them both in the same person). but as a guy, i cant imagine being friends with someone after being attracted to them if they know i was attracted to them (like i asked them out and they said no). because those feelings rarely just go away. if im attracted to someone, then i always will be (aside from rare exceptions where the features i was romantically attracted to drastically change). i would feel really bad because i know that THEY know i want more. So i think wanting to be just friends after asking them out and being rejected would feel like im forcing them to stick around because they might change their mind, not because i genuinely want to be friends. it would always be in the back of my mind. idk if that makes sense, but i know its probably just part of having such high anxiety about romance/dating/women in general.

    • Sytev FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      6 months ago

      Out of interest, what are the nature of the features that are so inextricably romantically linked that they preclude the idea of friendship? Are they physical features, or social/personal traits? 

      With no intent to disrespect, it sounds like your anxiety may be linked to superficial, physical traits being equivalent to romance in your mind - that's fine for purely sexual relationships, but please, for the sake of yourself and your partners, don't conflate that with being good for long term romantic relationships.

  • Smokindave FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    I need Maggy on more stuff -- I mean Katrina

  • conor1302 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Tentative shriek

    6 months ago

    omg barb's little story about micheal and lindsay!

  • DavidLopezComposer

    6 months ago

    In James' question he said he is already flirting with her, "I always talk with her and flirt". So it kinda seems that she's going to be numb to it, or doesn't seem to follow up with his flirting. I agree with Jon.


    If he does ask her out and it doesn't go as planned he can just watch 500 Days of Summer ._.

  • WickedSeven FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold TheWickedZach

    6 months ago

    To Graham's question, much like the group said, it is better to say "Man, that was crazy but fun." than to say "Man, I wish I did that."

  • kaikaips3 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    It's always weird when there's an episode without Mariel. I think of her as a co-host

    • MonkeyBrad91 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      6 months ago

      Wasn't that her walking through the door at the intro? I count that!

  • j4sonm FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    I agree with Jon to a point on the gym question. and I say this as someone who doesn't go to the gym, not in a relationship, and someone who doesn't generally interact with people due to extreme awkwardness and anxiety, so take this with many grains of salt. The worst thing you could probably do is flirt with her since like, James says, there are lots of guys who chase after her. Barb has it right saying just go for it, put everything on the table and be real about it if it means that much, since it may seem disingenuous just flirting with her like every other guy she interacts with.

  • causticdame FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    I definitely agree with both Jon and Maggie on that last question. I think it's tough when society insists that romantic relationships are so much more important than platonic ones, to the point that we have a negative term for being "stuck" in a friendship when the goal was a initially a romantic relationship. Since when is it a bad thing to be friends with someone that you think is cool?


    I have a lot of trouble making friends with guys because after a couple of conversations, once I'm like oh we have a lot in common and could be good friends, the guy will almost invariably ask me out instead. And when I reject him (I'm just not interested in dating in general, I'm an antisocial aro ace), it's not like we have a strong friendship to fall back on, so that's just the awkward end of what could have been a good platonic relationship.


    I hate rejecting these guys and I don't understand why it always seems to happen that way, especially because I don't exactly view myself as a catch. I just blame society for drilling into us that romantic relationships are the only ones that really matter.

    • Sytev FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      6 months ago

      As a guy, I get *so* frustrated when my friends complain about women they are nice to who don't want to date, because these are the same people who get confused when I'm just friends with women.

      There's still a big, unspoken misconception that men and women can't be friends.

  • Mecha_Dragon FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    A good shot to try with the peppermint schnapps is called a "Starry Night".

    - 1/3 Goldschlagger

    - 1/3 Jaegermeister

    - 1/3 Peppermint Schnapps

  • RawTILT FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    This is for the James from the last question, don't pretend you aren't like one of those thirsty guys James. You said you are a forward kind of guy so just be forward because there is nothing wrong with that.

  • AceofAces007 FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    One thing that I have learned so far in my life (especially from therapy) is that the key to finding courage and building self-confidence is to set small, measurable goals towards the ultimate thing you want. It's easier to have that "fuck it" mentality when you're only going from Point A to Point B rather than trying to jump all the way to Point Z. Each step forward (even if it is only a baby step) leads to another step, and then before you know it, you'll look back and see how far you've come.


    However, I think it is important to understand that trying new things and stepping outside of your comfort zone is scary as fuck! You're only lying to yourself if you don't accept that reality. The thing to remember is that it's okay to be scared; that's normal. How you act in response to that fear is what really matters, and you just have to remind yourself that you are worth the effort of trying something new that you know deep down is good for you, even if it's uncomfortable to do so at first. That discomfort will eventually fade with enough practice and familiarity. You just have to not beat yourself up over every little misstep and truly celebrate your accomplishments, no matter how small.


    One trick that I found as part of this idea of small, measurable goals is to write down the big picture things that I want, subdivide them into smaller stepping stone goals, and then act as if they are a list of Xbox Achievements, each with different gamerscore value depending upon their perceived difficulty or what intermediary stage they are towards the ultimate thing I want. And then with each accomplishment, I make a note of it on a physical list and track my progress. I turned the experience of self-improvement into a game, and it became sooooooo much easier to say "fuck it" and just do something I was afraid to do earlier because I had this game mentality to make the experience fun and tangibly rewarding, just as if I was playing a video game, the Game of Life (and no, not the board game).


    No joke, achievement hunting saved me, and gave me courage and self-confidence during a time in my life when I had none.

  • oreovision FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

    6 months ago

    I agree with Jon with the gym question honestly. I work in customer service and I do feel an obligation to be polite to people, which could be easily misconstrued as flirting. It's hard to say no to someone when you are totally trapped behind the counter and you have to be polite, or if you do say no and the customer talks to your boss and says you were rude to them, you could get fired. It's not an easy situation to be in, and it's a high source of anxiety. I'd definitely say be careful, and if you're going to do anything go more with what Maggie said just to make her more comfortable. 

    • fullofwish FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold

      6 months ago

      Exactly. The main points I think raise a flag in that scenario is: she's working, trying to get through the day. He's, one of many, guys that (pay to) come to the gym and chat her up. There's already a power imbalance there that adds a barrier between them, so of course he could be reading her interactions with him as very friendly or flirtatious, when the reality is that most people in a customer service position (myself in my last retail job, included) don't get to act 100% genuine. A lot of people put on the personality to get along in the work environment. Another issue I see is just in the wording he uses, perhaps it's just poor word choice, but to talk about how you "get/want" a girl, doesn't read to me as actually seeing someone as a person to share a relationship (friendship or romantic) with. It just sounds like a conquest, especially after mentioning how so many other guys seem to want to do the same. Jon's right, setting yourself apart from them somehow to "get" her doesn't seem like it'll happen. The setting and power dynamic is wrong, and you probably don't have much of an idea of how she is besides the way she presents herself professionally. It's almost like you should just be civil to people who are working, carry on, and not have ulterior motives to "get" more than the service they're providing. I have to disagree with Barbara, I get she means that flattery is nice, but it never felt good to be asked out or hit on when I was at my job. I wasn't there for that, and it made me super uncomfortable because I was trapped there on a sales floor and couldn't nope out of the situation like I would be able to in, say, a club or something. 


      I know it's tough to meet people "organically" on equal/peer levels. But I cannot stress enough how cringy, for example, it is to see a poor grocery cashier trying to just get to the next customer while the current one tries to get her number. Don't do this. It's just super awkward and uncomfortable to see as a bystander, so imagine what it's like to be the person who's trying to do their job and gets hit on. It comes off super creepy and inappropriate. Read the situation. When it comes down to it, a lot of the time you have to let the person with the weaker stance in the situation (in this case, the employee to the customer) make an obvious interest known (without misconstruing what would be reasonable interaction for someone in a front facing customer service position dealing with guys like you all day long), and in this case it seems like it hasn't happened. Please, let people do their jobs and leave your dating endeavors to situations where both people are clearly actively looking to date (online dating, etc) or at least in an environment where one person's job doesn't dictate how they have to react to you.

  • PhantomAC FIRST Member Star(s) Indication of membership status - One star is a FIRST member, two stars is Double Gold Not Otaku, Just Nerd

    6 months ago

    Wow Maggie! You literally look like a living, breathing anime girl in that photo!  scream


    Cheers to Lindsey: Death is the best life advisor.


    DAMN Barbara,.. with that zoom-in look...   ghost ...Spooky!


    HAAA HA HA HA!!! Make Lance blush! BLUSH FUKKR!!! HAAA HA HA HA HA HA!!! stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes