Fuck fuck fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck.
Let's throw in some shit fuckity fuck cakes.
I'm going to hate writing about this. Serious personal journals aren't my forte.
Today I finished a terrible - no, that needs to be upgraded - the most mentally draining and relentless semester I've ever had. The winter and spring of 2017, they have not treated me well. It's like my thoughts were not my own. It was very well one of my lowest points so far, caused by several factors that joined together to deliver one massive blow.
I repeatedly tried to do creative works to get me out of whatever I had, but it all turned to black. That's not an expression, but it fits so well. My hands felt tainted. As someone who is hellbent on being productive and always having a sharp mind, it was a mental state that I was very unfamiliar with. So when I needed to exhale, I mostly stuck to cosplay props and tiny passive projects to try to carry me out of that blackness.
The only positives I can draw from it are that I feel better about who I am as a person than I did before all this. My outlook on things didn't change drastically, but it was a tweak that made me see things in a different light. Now I just need a change of scenery.
After RTX I'm spending 6 months in Vermont tying up loose ends for school. After that? I'm....really not sure. My biggest priority will be finding a good stable job, ideally related to digital imaging. I might give the Czech Republic one last chance in a different city, stay in Vermont a bit longer, or maybe I'll move somewhere else entirely. Nothing is really tying me down to a particular place.
That was probably too much.
Or maybe just enough for internet friends I don't see in real life often.
I'm not even sure why I wrote it. I never really talk about emotions and things like this.
Maybe for closure.
I really appreciate you guys. Even with the site functionality being shit, if it weren't for you guys on the site and my two best friends, as bad as it was, it could have been much worse. After a month of not feeling like trash, despite having an exam period, I can confidently say that things are alright now. RTX will be a great bookend for the suckville 2017 has been for me so far.
As promised here are some gifs of doggos doing dumb things!
What are your favorite gifs of derp puppers? Or have any other dumb animal gifs? c: