Burnie: Ten little roosters, all gathered to dine
One choked on his rage, and then there were nine
Nine little roosters, now running from fate
One tripped over themselves, and then there were eight
Eight little roosters, two others in heaven
One was martyred, and then there were seven
Seven little roosters, one liked to draw dicks
Barb: Ah sweet, final six!
Burnie: Goddamn it, Barb, shut up! You keep messing me up.
Life imitated art, and then there were six
Six little roosters, often streamed live One died to scale, and then there were five
G1: This is crap. There's no way its going to be the people you keep showing. That would just be too easy, wouldn't it?
Burnie: Well unless we thought of, unless we thought of that first!
G1: That'd be mental.
Burnie: Five little roosters, one trapped in the floor
One ran out of air, and then there were four
Four little roosters, still trying to flee
One got what they wanted, and then there were three
Three little roosters, one died of a pun
The killer was killed
And then there was one
Ryan: Hey, why were you on me for that killer line?
Gus: You do keep farm animals in holes for fun.
Miles: Yeah, this order doesn't make any sense. Everybody knows Lindsay is going to be the first one to die.
Miles: Sorry, second. Second one to die. Forgot about the husband. Least you're single.
Ryan: How do we even know there is a killer?
Lindsay: Whoever this is has a real god complex.
Chris: Guys. My sword only glows when there's evil nearby. So, one of us is the killer.
Gus: Man, I don't have time for this. I need to go back to work.
Barb: No, no one is going anywhere until we find the killer.
Adam: Yeah, Barb's right.
Chris: Hey guys, guys, look, look. My sword stopped glowing when I stepped away from everyone, okay, so obviously, I'm not the killer, but one of you guys is, so everyone walk forward one at a time and when the sword glows, we know who the killer is, and, y'know, I'll give them a stab.
Miles: Yeah, no, that's good, I like this, this is a good plan, yeah. I'm on board with team Chris, I say we go for it.
Chris: Okay Miles, you come forward.
Chris: I don't know, you're closest, and we're like best friends.
Miles: We talked about getting lunch once.
Chris: Well I'm only going to stab you if the sword glows.
Miles: Only if it glows.
Miles: I'm sorry, what?
Chris: I said I'm only going to stab you if the sword glows.
Miles: See, you did it again. Did you hear that? He did it again. You said, 'I will only stab if you if the sword glows or'.
Chris: I didn't say or.
Miles: Yeah, but you did, though. I heard you say 'only if the sword glows or'.
Chris: No, I was saying
Miles: Just don't say 'or', just say you're going to stab me if it glows.
Miles: I'm just going to stab him at this point. Just to get past the bullshit. Alright. Okay. God fucking damn it.
Chris. One. Two three four.
*lights go out, everyone screams*
Chris: Are you frightened? Yes. Not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you. Stop talking to yourself. Chris, this is why no one likes you. If you'd stop talking to yourself, people might like you.
4 years agoMephini
Burnie: Ten little roosters, all gathered to dine
4 years agoMephini
Did this for myself and thought others might find it useful.
Adam: Yeah, thanks for helping me out with this, man. Beards are not all sunshine and roses
Miles: Yeah, well, you know, it does look really nice, I gotta say.
Adam: Yeah it does, yeah it does.
Miles: Hey uh, you think uh, I could maybe get one of those one day? You know with time? And stuff?
Adam: Uh, no.
Michael: Can we talk about this later?
Lindsay: Later when? Like after you die and your will leaves me with, let's see, 57.81 in Gamestop store credit?
Michael: Lindsay, it's 57.81 now, but imagine what that will be worth with investments and shit.
Lindsay: At least you have good life insurance.
Gus: Chris, you are aware this is a formal party, correct?
Chris:Yeah, that's why I wore a tie.
Gus: Yeah, but you wore a hobbit outfit around that tie.
Chris: So, some people think I look handsome in it.
Gus: Goddamn it, Chris, you pulled this same shit at my quinceaÃ±era,. You were just tripping all over the place with those stupid hobbit feet on. Why don't you go wander in front of a herd of oliphants and get trampled to death.
Chris: You know, I'm sure you'd love that when one of your best friends is dead.
Gus: You're right, I'll feel good.
Chris: I mean, Gus, y'know, not all who wander are lost. Tolkien.
Gus: Not all who work here are fucking nerds. Sorola.
Chris: Sorola isn't (can't hear this part)
Ryan: What the fuck? Burnie, you said no plus ones. I wanted to bring my nana.
Burnie: Gavin, I told you no plus ones.
G1: Do clones count as plus ones?
Lindsay: Could make a compromise, say they're three fifths of a person, maybe?
Burnie: Wow, solid racist. Gavin, stop bringing one and one fifths more people to this party than you're supposed to.
Burnie: I swear, sometimes I could just murder you all.
Michael: *clears throat*
Gus: Oh, speech.
Burnie: Goddamn it, Barb, that means stop.
Michael: I have a special announcement. If everyone would please look under their seats, you'll all find an envelope.
Adam: Ah sweet, overcard (?)
Barb: Burnie, are we getting bonuses?
Burnie: Hahaha, absolutely not. Michael, what the hell is this?
Michael: That's right, look upon your sins.
((Watch out for baby Gus))
((The point we just can't take...anymore. Right, Adam?))
Miles: Uh, this is actually just a picture of dicks.
Barb: Oh, that's where that went.
M: shit, I knew I had one extra.
Miles: Thank you.
Michael: You've all got blood on your hands. And now you're all going to pay.
((Your secrets won't stay underground anymore, Ryan))
((No one likes a know it all, do they, Gavin?))
((A top 5 way to die, by Lindsay!))
((Pumped up? More like bumped...off. Am I right...Barbara?!))
((Everything must go, Chris!))
Miles: This is just more dick doodles. I don't...
Barb: Oh that's the companion piece.
Miles: Oh, for fuck's sake.
Gus: That's not fair. Baby Gus was an accident, the fork slipped, the judge acquitted me, you're not allowed to talk about that.
Burnie: Yeah, and Janet died for science, that's like, one of the top three or four ways to die.
Michael: I don't care why you did it. The point is, that I'm going to get filthy fucking rich from all of you assholes in. So fuck you, and fuck you, and fuck you. And fuck all of you.
Barb: Hey, why don't you go suck a dick.
Michael: Why don't you suck two dicks.
Barb: No, you. But, five dicks!
Michael: You're suckin' eight dicks from every direction just like an omni-directional dick suck fest.
Burnie: Okay, we get it, can you guys stop trying one up each other on the dick sucking quotas? Why don't we all just agree as adults that we all suck a lot of dicks. And we love it.
Lindsay: I like the taste.
Chris: I'll suck them.
Michael: Yeah, okay, I like it. Obviously.
Ryan: Alright, Michael, what's to stop us from just killing you and then burning the body?
Michael: First of all, Ryan, I have this.
Everyone murmurs in shock. Gavin: Christ!
Michael: And second of all, while all of you have killed, only one of you is guilty of cold blooded murder. *drinks* And if that person tries to kill me...if they...if they try...*coughs*
Burnie: We can't understand you, stop choking so we can understand you.
G1: Michael, my boy!
Chris: Michael, stop, drop, and roll.
G1: My boy, Michael, no! Oh no, get the gun away from yourself (?) not me either. Oh! He's properly dead! Gus, you killed him.
Gus: What?! No!
G1: Well you gave him the drink.
Gus: Yeah, but look. There's beard hairs in this. The only person that it could have been, is Gilby.
Adam: Hey, I don't need you beard profiling, man. Its hard enough that I can't be a professional swimmer. And if I was the murderer, I wouldn't go rubbing my beard all over the murder glass.
Burnie: Wouldn't you?
Adam: I wouldn't.
Burnie: Okay, yeah, that was the right answer.
Barb: Uh, why don't we get the hell out of here?
Miles: Shit-tits, dude, we're trapped. We're trapped with the killer!
Burnie: Hey, what is this? Ten Little Roosters? Gus, what did I tell you about hanging your poetry on the walls? Nobody gives a crap about your inner goddess.
Gus: Hey, I'm a beautiful budding flower, asshole. And that's not mine.
Burnie: What? Uh oh. This looks like some kind of ominous omen for the rest of the evening.
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