It's kind of shocking that I haven't ever done a journal post here before in almost 10 years! I want to just give a glance at the past year since a lot has happened since then. Today is my 25th birthday and it's just mind blowing to see where I am now, what I do, and how I continue to move forward.
A year ago, I was turning 24. I was very unsure of what I wanted to keep doing and how to find the motivation. My girlfriend and I were at the end of our relationship and we started to drift apart. She ended up starting a new strong friendship with someone right around the same time as my birthday and even went to a party together one year ago today. I believe they ended up dating not soon after but we both knew that we were at the end of it. We split apart not soon after, kept in touch since but moved on with our lives on separate paths.
It wasn't a horrible breakup, no shouting, no ill feelings, but, there was still a lot of pain. That was just more pain added to a long history of trauma. Not long after the split, I had lost my job at an IT firm. So here I am. I just turned 24 and I have no job, no family nearby, no partner in crime anymore. I was just alone and hurt.
In December 2015, I was able to do some work with RT animation and It was a dream come true. I knew I needed to go back. I took the period of off time and poured it into all my art and all my work. I had to build a mini render farm with 3 machines in order to handle the workflow. I had hit a low point in life and didn’t have much to lose.
The passing of Chester Bennington very recently has had a profound effect to me. I would listen to Linkin Park growing up in elementary school all the way up to this year with the new album. His story about the horrors he went through growing up and how he put all of that horrible energy into art. You can hear it in the lyrics and see it in the performances. It helped me understand that pain and negativity does not have to be a force of only negativity. I understood that I could use this emotion to fuel my creativity.
It paid off in October. I was asked to come back and I immediately put my head down and focused to work on RT Animation. Working on shows that I held dear to me, that I have watched since 2006, was all the motivation I needed in order to push forward. I was brought into a family of fantastic and amazing people. I also had my first RTX this month and to see the RWBY panel and to visibly see the audience react and to see the overwhelming support of the community.
In the course of a year. I went from being in a troubled relationship, unhappy in life, stressed out, to a life where I am excited everyday to come into work. To push what I can do and how I can help our animation team work to their fullest potential buy building new tools and supporting them. Sure there is still a twinge of pain here and there, and I kind of stepped away from dating for awhile and now slowly dipping my toe back in, but I can now hold my head high. I can use these bits of sadness to remind me of the positive things in life and what I can do to make things better.
Thank you again to the Rooster Teeth family, both co-workers and community, for being this amazing force of positivity and for having such a profound effect on my life.